She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize