i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
