I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
