The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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