it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
