Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
