WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
