I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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