Betty ford says i'm here all night
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize