If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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