Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
