Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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