is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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