he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
