I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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