what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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