The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style