she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
