Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.