So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?