He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
