awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?