So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?