somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
