Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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