Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
