Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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