Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
