from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
