For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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