if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
