How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
