zippers are such a cool invention
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
