Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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