Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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