I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I want her autograph on my taint
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
