I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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