Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
