I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
