i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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