just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
