no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
