I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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