im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
