This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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