if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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