Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
