??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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