literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
