This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
