dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
