This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
