Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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