I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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