I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
