I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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