I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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