can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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