don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
