just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
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I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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