The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
