just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
