I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
