I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
