is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
