Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
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Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
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You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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