Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
