weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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