she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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